Monday Morning Musings

I’ve had an epiphany, ladies and gents. I’ve realised something. Have you ever seen the movie, ‘Good Luck Chuck’? I’m the female version of Charlie Logan. You sleep with me and then you find your happy-ever-after with the next girl who comes along. There’s a fucking curse on me. I’m sure of it.

*I don’t believe in curses… I don’t think. 

Seriously though, in the last month, one ex got engaged, one had a baby, The Dom fell in love and now, The Director has publicly announced he has a new girlfriend on his personal Facebook page.

YOU’VE GOTTA BE FUCKING KIDDING ME!

We slept together six weeks ago. We dated for like two or three months and he never even added me as a friend on his personal Facebook page. If we slept together just a few weeks ago, they’ve either only been dating for six weeks maximum and she’s made it to his profile picture already, or he was fucking us both at the same time.

I knew it. I fucking knew it.

I feel like such a prick. There I was, throwing myself at him, begging for a chance to prove I wasn’t a total crazy bitch and he was dating, wooing, fucking someone else. I make the best choices, don’t I?

I’m being super strong because it’s 2016 and I’m not letting trivial, inconsequential bullshit get to me this year but fucking hell, I’m starting to struggle a little here. This is a lot of bullshit to handle. I know I wanted closure from these assholes but did it really need to come like this? And all at once? Even the sanest of ladies would have a hard time being faced with this. Boom, an ex gets married. Boom, another ex has a baby. Boom, they’re all happy. Boom, you’re not.

Seriously, please give me a break. I’m a good person. After the cancerific, depressive year that was 2015, I need a godamn break.

I’m trying not to lose my faith in love, but I’m really close to 30 now. Everyone always tells me that it’s so much harder to date in your thirties. I’m starting to freak out a little. I’m starting to worry I’m actually going to become a crazy cat lady who lives on her own with plentiful feline friends like the woman I watched on some late-night TV show last night. She never had kids, lost her partner the year before and was facing throat cancer on her own… What if that happens to me? What if I never find someone and love them for long enough to get to that point, to have kids? What if the last ten years of my dating life just repeats over and over again, like it seems to do so frequently? Gosh, I can’t go through the last ten years of my dating life again. I barely made it though alive the first time around.

This is what happens when exes get happy. This is what happens when they get engaged and have babies and announce new relationships with, quite frankly, simply stunning women. Women I couldn’t even come close to comparing to. It makes me doubt myself. It makes me go back to men like Someone New. If he marries the next girl who comes along, the next girl is me. He dated me, we broke up, he hasn’t dated or slept with anyone else since…

Pffft. There’s probably a T&C to the curse that says I can’t break my own godamn hex.

I just feel shitty today. Really shitty. I don’t understand why this keeps happening to me. Where’s my good karma? Why do the men who screw me over end up happy and I’m still single and miserable? Okay, slight exaggeration, my life isn’t so bad but I’m getting really bored of this bad dating malarkey.

Blah.